It can be tough to let go of anger and resentment towards an ex. After all, they were the ones who hurt you, betrayed your trust, and maybe even caused you a lot of pain, but hanging onto those emotions is only going to end up hurting you even more in the long run.
It's natural to feel angry and resentful after a breakup, especially if things ended on a bad note. And although we can't control how other people behave, we can always choose how we respond.
Holding onto anger and resentment - the enemies of progress and growth - towards your ex will prevent you from moving on, poison your current relationships, and make you feel bad about yourself.
With that being said, there are tips to help you let go of anger and resentment towards your ex so you can finally move on with your life.
9 Helpful Tips To Let Go of Anger and Resentment Towards An Ex
Here are 9 helpful tips that will help you let go of anger and resentment towards your ex:
1. Acknowledge your emotions.
Easier said than done, right? But, the first step to letting go of anger and resentment is acknowledging your emotions.
Simply telling yourself to "let go" of your anger and resentment will not make those feelings disappear. Instead, once you've accepted how you feel, you must allow yourself to feel angry and resentful (within reason).
2. Identify the source of your emotions.
Acknowledging your emotions is only half the equation; identifying the source of those emotions is the other half.
Try to understand why you're feeling so angry and resentful. What exactly did your ex do that made you so mad? Is it because your ex treated you badly, or is it because the breakup was sudden and unexpected?
Once you have identified the source of your emotions, only then can you start to address, work through and deal with those emotions.
3. Forgive yourself.
There are probably so many things you're angry and resentful towards your ex for - like the way they treated you, the things they said, or how they behaved. But before you can even think about forgiving them, you must forgive yourself first.
Forgiving yourself means accepting what happened, letting go of any self-blame, and moving on. A lot of people beat themselves up for not being "good enough," or they blame themselves for the breakup. But it takes two people to make or break a relationship, so don't be too hard on yourself.
4. Let go of the need to be right.
In almost every argument or disagreement, both parties usually think they're right, and the other person is wrong. We hold onto anger and resentment because we feel like we need to be right and prove our ex wrong.
But, at the end of the day, they are your ex for a reason, so does it really matter who's right or wrong, and is it still worth hanging onto this grudge? You'll be wasting time and energy that could be put into making yourself happy.
All that matters is that you're happy and healthy - and if holding onto anger and resentment is preventing that from happening, then it's time to let it go.
5. Give them a taste of their own medicine.
While I usually don't condone this kind of behavior, I do think there is a time and a place for it - as long as it's done in a constructive way, so you release all that pent-up anger and resentment you've been holding onto.
I'm not talking about going out and purposely hurting them the way they hurt you but, sometimes, making them realize how it feels can be a helpful reality check. It might make them realize how their actions made you feel so they can learn from their mistakes.
For example, if your ex was always putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself, you could use this opportunity to work on your self-esteem and build yourself up. Show them that you're not the person they used to know and that you're better off without them.
6. Forgive them - for you.
It can be extremely difficult to forgive someone who repeatedly hurt you, especially if they don't seem remorseful or sorry for what they did. But, ultimately, forgiveness is for you - not for them.
Forgiving your ex does not mean condoning their behavior or making excuses for them, and it simply means that you will no longer allow anger and resentment to control your life and that you're choosing to move on and be happy.
7. Accept that things are over.
If your ex was someone you loved and thought you would be with forever, it's natural to struggle with accepting that things are really over, but in order to move on, you need to accept that things are over between you and your ex.
That means no more contact, no more talking, and no more hoping that things will somehow work out. It's time to start fresh and focus on yourself, so make a clean break, delete their number, and unfollow them on social media; out of sight, out of mind.
8. Focus on the present and future.
It's time to focus on the present and future and on what you can do now to make yourself happy.
Start by making a list of all the things you're grateful for in your life - even if it's just small things like having a roof over your head or having food to eat. From there, you can start setting goals for yourself and working on becoming the best version of yourself.
What kind of life do you want for yourself? What kind of relationships do you want to be in? Don't let your anger towards your ex - which happens to so many people - stand in the way and hold you back from living the life you want.
Spend time with friends and family, pursue your hobbies and interests, and live your life to the fullest. You deserve to be happy!
9. Seek professional help.
If you're finding it difficult to let go of your anger and resentment on your own, it might be helpful to seek professional help.
A therapist can help you work through your emotions and provide the tools necessary to deal with and help you move on from them.
It's important to let go of anger and resentment towards your ex in order to move on with your life. While it may be difficult, there are several things you can do to help you let go; after all, letting go of those emotions will allow you to be happy and live your life to the fullest.